Sunday, 21 June 2009

Rollercoaster

I can't believe how quickly time has been flying. It almost seems impossible that I ever had a different face, and that it was broken a matter of weeks ago. Sometimes, I need to look at old pictures to remember what it was like - somewhat akin to pinching oneself to wake from a dream.

It's also coincided, that I have been incredibly busy at school, and have barely had time to contemplate things. I think this is definitely a good thing, and I am glad that I am still having my weekly counselling sessions as it is a good outlet particularly for the things that seem to be happening to me on a sub-conscious level, and to just live life during the rest of the time.

There is no question that I am so much happier with myself now, although I am having to work hard to undo the damage to my psyche from previous relationships and friendships and re-learning who I am again. I know it's going to be a long journey yet but I genuinely feel that the steps I am taking/have taken are heading in the right direction. I already feel more assertive in hospital, and am less happy to put up with things I don't want. I had it out with a friend that I'd been involved with romantically a while back, and said quite a few hurtful things, effectively burning any bridges in the process which was incredibly unlike me. It had been a tumultous, manipulative 'friendship' and he'd hurt me a lot but I'd never have made a scene before. It was a bit of a shock when I ended up walking past him at a train station, but it was a flash and I don't think he saw me, or if he did I was being ignored. It's a new thing for me to stand by my convictions and not cave in because I am worried about upsetting everyone, but I know it's not possible to please everyone - I just feel like I have more courage to stand up for what it is I want. I've undergone a life-changing life experience though, and my life has to change accordingly.

Knowing what one wants, however, is a whole different ball game - I think if anything that is the biggest lesson to be learnt. I know that I can stop feeling bad about myself now though, and concentrate on moulding myself as a person to match my new, wonderful face!

I *almost* feel like my old self again, when I was at my happiest!

4 comments:

Chris said...

Congrats on your surgery... I last checked your blog quite a while back and how things have changed for you in the meantime!

My op was last Wednesday (top jaw forward 8mm, bottom jaw back 4mm and rotated, genioplasty) so pretty damn swollen at the moment. But, just like yours, the change is unbelievable already - still only beginning to realise how much!!

Good luck in the coming weeks!!

Chris
London UK

Rita said...

I am so glad you are doing well. When you get time post some pictures. I would love to see how you look now. Be blessed!!!

Jaw Surgery Brandon said...

Can't wait to see the new pics, V!

I'm Brandon from the Jaw Surgery Blog.

I just wanted to congratulate you on a successful surgery, and it would be a great help to others and future patients that are going to be going through the same thing you did if you could share your story and experience.

I'd love to get as many people to share their story as possible in one organized place, so people just like us won't be as scared, and they too can have a successful surgery.

All you have to do is write a quick summary of how the process was for you, in as much or as little detail as you like. For example, you could include how you felt right before surgery, how you felt after, what the sensations were like, what you wish you had known before, or anything else you can think of that will make the process a little bit easier for someone else.

To help, just go here:

http://www.jawsurgeryblog.com/forums/topic/help-future-jaw-surgery-patients

If you have any questions at all or trouble posting your story, just let me know, and I'll be glad to help you help others!

Thanks again,
Brandon

Lisa said...

Hi V, how's it all going? any news on when you're gonna get de-bonded yet? They had told me 2-3 months post-op but its now 2 months and i'm sure its going to be a good while yet! why they raise your expectations i don't know! Hope you're still being empowering! chat soon, Lisa