Retainers

Just a word about my retainers, the only remnant left to remind me of the last couple of years (that, and the screws in my face that I can feel just below my eyes!).

I have some clear retainers, that sit over my teeth, a bit like dentures. Although they are infinitely more annoying - I have to take them out to eat (not essential, but the food gets stuck beneath them), and when brushing my teeth. They are supposed to be in for the rest of the time but I can get away with the occasional break (e.g. as for my friend's wedding last weekend - after all, I thought it would be most improper taking them out at the table for the dinner!). I'll be wearing them permanently for about 4 months, then just at night for about 2 months hopefully.

I'm now having to brush my teeth about 5 times a day! And the state of them first thing in the morning... Yeugh. I've always been afflicted with pretty special morning breath, but it's something else these days.

However, it's still SO much better than having my brace in. I've never grinned so much in my life!

Photos

Righto.. This will be a fairly long post (not word-wise) but the braces are off (hurrah!) and I've just got hold of all my copies of photos and x-rays so am going to try and get the full effect of before-after on here!

So to start with, front-on view, smiling 1) Pre-treatment 2)Pre-surgery after nearly 2 years of orthodontics, 3) Post surgery and de-bonding




And here, the same again, but side on mouth closed 'naturally':


And then just to finish off, teeth before/after treatment with a side-view x-ray of my hardware:

Long time, no see!

Hello all,

So it has been a rubbish couple of months for me blog-wise; after the internet repeatedly disappearing in my flat (it's back on now), then having to seriously knuckle down for the end-of-year exams (all passed), as well as Dad finally receiving a kidney transplant after 4 years of waiting (not quite out the woods yet and working, but still incredible), and now Mum having minor surgery today (phew!), I have massively fallen behind in my updating - which is what I swore I didn't want to do after experiencing the disappointing dwindle of so many blogs post-surgery. And I can't believe how many surgeries and updates I have missed - will definitely catch up. But I'm sure you'll all forgive me under the circumstances.

So the state of my jaw today is... well, pretty much fully functional with no areas of numbness or even tingling. I can open it as wide as pre-surgery as well as even still touch the tip of my nose with my tongue. I am one lucky girl.

The last few months have been agonising however for a new reason; I'd gotten used to the braces pre-surgery and with the big date looming you don't even imagine life after de-bracing. But once the big day comes and goes and you're well recovered, it's ALL I can think about. And it's not even as though they are doing much - literally half-millimetres of tweaking and fine tuning. Promptin me to ask my consultant whether anyone had proposed a study of the correlation between orthodontists and incidence of OCD...

But.. the great news is...

I'M BEING DEBONDED NEXT FRIDAY!!!

I honestly can't wait and will have pics of pre-and post- up for comparison once I get round to taking them.

As for how this whole process has affected my life? Well...

1. Looking at old photos of myself is incredibly weird. Like it's not me. Not the reaction people assume I have looking in the mirror now - quite the reverse. I can't get over how *bad* I looked; pictures that I'd thought were OK (they were, just the best of a bad situation) I now can't believe I felt that way about. For ages, I felt a bit funny about my new face, but I am super-used to it now, and thrilled.

2. Life still goes on. I found I had the same problems and dramas pre-surgery, but a combination of feeling more myself due to the sugery and the wonderful counsellor I see through uni have given me the confidence to do something about it.

3. Have patience! Invariably, the process will take a lot longer than you expect. But it's worth it and patience means better results, no matter how frustrating!!!

4. Even now, 5 months after surgery, I'm still seeing old friends for the first time who marvel at my new face. Which is a nice reminder, as I've almost forgotten it happened by now!

5. I'm still getting approached all the time by weirdos trying to chat me up. Only now there are more of them. And the flattery is more OTT than before but I can now accept it deep down. And then run away... :)

So.. photos and developments to come. I couldn't have done it without all your support and the main message I want to send, in my own personal case is that I am so so happy I've been through this journey and pleased with the result at the end of it. It's by no means easy, but every time I look in the mirror, I smile and it looks FABULOUS!

Rollercoaster

I can't believe how quickly time has been flying. It almost seems impossible that I ever had a different face, and that it was broken a matter of weeks ago. Sometimes, I need to look at old pictures to remember what it was like - somewhat akin to pinching oneself to wake from a dream.

It's also coincided, that I have been incredibly busy at school, and have barely had time to contemplate things. I think this is definitely a good thing, and I am glad that I am still having my weekly counselling sessions as it is a good outlet particularly for the things that seem to be happening to me on a sub-conscious level, and to just live life during the rest of the time.

There is no question that I am so much happier with myself now, although I am having to work hard to undo the damage to my psyche from previous relationships and friendships and re-learning who I am again. I know it's going to be a long journey yet but I genuinely feel that the steps I am taking/have taken are heading in the right direction. I already feel more assertive in hospital, and am less happy to put up with things I don't want. I had it out with a friend that I'd been involved with romantically a while back, and said quite a few hurtful things, effectively burning any bridges in the process which was incredibly unlike me. It had been a tumultous, manipulative 'friendship' and he'd hurt me a lot but I'd never have made a scene before. It was a bit of a shock when I ended up walking past him at a train station, but it was a flash and I don't think he saw me, or if he did I was being ignored. It's a new thing for me to stand by my convictions and not cave in because I am worried about upsetting everyone, but I know it's not possible to please everyone - I just feel like I have more courage to stand up for what it is I want. I've undergone a life-changing life experience though, and my life has to change accordingly.

Knowing what one wants, however, is a whole different ball game - I think if anything that is the biggest lesson to be learnt. I know that I can stop feeling bad about myself now though, and concentrate on moulding myself as a person to match my new, wonderful face!

I *almost* feel like my old self again, when I was at my happiest!

Net Downtime

Hi all...!

Just a quickie, I haven't forgotten about you all but my net connection has been down for a few weeks.. So am trying to steal snippets of time on the uni computers which has meant not keep up-to-date/not updating over the last few weeks... Hopefully things will be sorted out soon though and can get back on track! Been busy as hell too and will post a nice long update soon...


xxx

Latest

Thanks all for the incredibly kind comments. There are still up and down days, but on the whole they are up. I just wanted to make sure that you all know the full story - I can imagine it would seem as though it is too good to be true otherwise!

Thankfully I passed my exam (although only just scraped the first one).. so that's all good (for the very short time being).

I have also been doing some life-sorting... After realising nothing had really changed with certain friendships and relationships post-op I am saying the things I want to say and getting the result that I need, whether that be fixing things or binning destructive relationships. It's liberating but may be a little hasty. Still, I am much more confident in the thought of living with the consequences now I am post-op. Whether or not this makes me happier, we'll have to see in the long-term...

Crashdown

Just a short post, because I don't want my recovery to seem one-sided.

I don't know whether it's tiredness, the trauma of finally having done my exam yesterday and freaking out about my ability as a potential doctor, or the dredging up of all my deep insecurities with my counsellor, but today I felt absolutely rotten.

It wasn't entirely unexpected, and is the reason I started going to see someone pre-surgery to talk through the issues, but I felt massively 'disappointed' today. Now the excitement of new-face and seeing people's reactions has worn off, it's back to normality. And things feel just the same as they did before. I think maybe it's because I haven't had a chance to exercise my new confidence just yet, but today I just felt hideously sad. I feel like my face is still swollen and looks ridiculous (I know it isn't). Don't get me wrong it is still the BEST thing I have done, but I think it's important to be aware of what your expectations are and how things will or won't change post-surgery. I'm glad I thought through this before I went under the knife, that's for sure!

Just goes to show, there's still a little way to go; once the swelling has gone and the braces are off it will be great!

4 weeks post-op

Hey all,

Just taken a couple of pictures to mark one whole month post-op. It's the end of the day and I look a little tired and dishevelled, but hopefully you can see the swelling has come down some (though that pesky bruise is still there!)



Have also found my favourite soft-diet brekkie: Porridge with chopped up banana and plenty of cinammon... Yum!

Am also supposed to start exercising my jaw from today so am stretching a little in front of the TV... can almost get about 3 fingers flat in my mouth so it's looking good.

3.5 weeks post-op

Hello all! I am still here and very much not forgotten about you all.... needless to say I am enjoying showing off my new face and so it has been a very busy week or so, and also back to school so haven't gotten round to posting or putting up any new pics (the latter I will try to do over the next couple of days...).

Things have been going well. I feel a LOT happier in myself, although it is intriguing, not knowing whether my face is going to stay this way, or whether it is still swollen and will decrease further. I guess time will tell. I had a combined clinic on Friday, and it was completely the opposite from the clinics I had before surgery, when I was super paranoid and unhappy with everyone analysing my face. This time everyone was just grinning lots, as though they were so happy with their handiwork (and rightly so). It also appears that I will be being de-bonded very soon (as in, weeks rather than months) which has caused no end of excitement! I guess it was worth having all the tweaking done beforehand and having to wait longer for my surgery (let that be a lesson to you folks waiting for it!).

I then had a braided wire put on the bottom teeth, and finally saw the ortho that has been doing my treatment as she had exams during the first appointment. I welled up when I spoke about how happy I am and she said 'You're not allowed to cry, you'll start me off!'. She has been an incredible support. It has been SUCH an emotional few weeks. The counsellor has been very helpful too over the last couple of weeks to address some of the underlying issues and I'd still definitely recommend seeing someone.

So all-in-all it has been good. It's funny seeing the reactions of people I know but it is also funny dealing with people that didn't know me before - for example a new girl in my group at school said 'You have something green on your face...' and I had to point out it was a bruise. And then explain the surgery. And then get the 'before' pictures out... I'd definitely recommend taking these and having copies on your phone etc for these kinds of situations. And even to help close friends remember what you looked before/appreciate what exactly was done.

I will try and take some pictures this week. The swelling has gone down quite a lot and the bruise has almost disappeared, so that in itself is an update...!

Gelfling

One of my friends hit the nail on the head.

I look like a gelfling from the Dark Crystal right now.

That's not a bad thing, but still amused me!

For those who don't remember:



Still a little more swelling and bruising to go then...

And elastic bands are popping all over the place! Very tricky hooking them so far back on the right but as the swelling is going I am able to pull my cheek back more so got there eventually!

First counselling sessiong post-op this afternoon, will see how that goes!

And looks like they won't let me sit my exam tomorrow, but that's no great loss as I'm not especially prepared! But back to school on Monday as scheduled!

*Ping!*

I was tentatively exploring the inside of my mouth with my tongue this evening now that I have a little more opening ability. Feeling the stitches but trying not to disrupt/dislodge anything, when all of a sudden

*PING*!

The single elastic on the left snaps and basically whips against my lip.

Needless to say I stopped fiddling once I'd attached a new one.

Glad it wasn't the other side - I don't think I'd get back far enough to hook it on!

Other than that no news. I am going to have to venture out tomorrow evening, my friend has free tickets to some posh cultural classical night. Luckily, my housemate has some theatrical concealer which should do the trick...

Also trying to get my exam changed back to Thursday, as I'm managing to speak alright and would rather just get it out of the way. Have yet to hear if they'll let me though, so will try and do some reviewing in anticipation.

Otherwise, should be good to go back to school next Monday, for the beginning of term, which means not having to miss anything, which is good.

Waiting for the remaining bruising/swelling to go down so I can do some good before/after shots.

Am finding it's not actually people who know me that have funny reactions or don't recognise me - it's those on the peripheries like their girlfriends or parents etc. If in doubt I just cover the bottom half of my face until they realise who I am! Comedy!

Day 10: First ortho visit

Hi all,

So today was the first visit to the orthodontists, and it went well also. He said the bruising is a lot worse than most peeps (see George, perhaps yours won't be so bad after all..) but agreed that my progress was really good and looked happy with the result so far. Best of all, he said it probably would only take a couple of months of work before de-bonding!!!! Then he abandoned the elastics at the front altogether, so I now have 2 sets a bit further back, just to close the slight open occlusion on the right. Have taken the non-elastic opportunity to include a few shots of my amazingly straight and CLASS I teeth for you all (as well as some more of that bruising:



My lip still sags a little on the upper right (left in the picture) as the stitches still pull somewhat. I'm sure this will be better.

As far as numbness goes, I can't feel the left side of my nose/cheek junction, and a spot on my hard palate on the left, but generally most sensation is intact. Swelling-wise it's not too bad and has gone down quite a lot, so looking a little more like myself:




Next appointment is in 2 weeks, in the combined clinic with OS and ortho. I can't wait to see my ortho that has been doing all my treatment after her exams are finished, I'm sure she will be very happy with her hard work!

I need to start thinking about doing some work now, as think the way I'm feeling/things are progressing I should be alright to get back to school for the new term a week on Monday. I also have my session with the counsellor next Wednesday - will see what she makes of it!

I also have finally joined the ranks and finally got round to watching Season 1 of 24. And am thoroughly addicted!

Day 8: Mashed Potato

The visit to the OS went swimmingly.

He couldn't believe it's only been a week since surgery.

They're allowing me to take of the bands at the front to eat and brush a little (heavenly) and I have a fair amount of movement, but it is still a little tedious. The bite was a little open on the right, but he is not too concerned as adjustments can be made orthodontically. However, as a precaution the bands are being left a little tighter on the right and doubled over at the front. So I am basically being held shut between meals and talking through my teeth, which isn't so bad as I get a little release.

So off I skipped home with plenty of spare elastics in case of breakages (those bad boys are tricky to double over the hooks!), and boiled up some cheesy mash. I swear, nothing has EVER tasted so good. Still getting used to putting the baby spoon in my mouth with my teeth the other way round, but I'll be happy if the novelty never wears off!

Next up have my first visit to the ortho on Fri, sadly the post-graduate that's been doing my treatment is having her exams so won't be there, but I can't wait for her to see the result in a couple of weeks!

Day 7

Long day today, have had some lovely visitors today including my gorgeous 7-month old god-daughter, though was hard to stop her grabbing and headbutting my face!

I also had the most wonderful smoothie - mum blended up a slice of raspberry cheesecake with some milk. It was divine. God-daughter's mum also brought me thai chicken soup which was yummy!

Trip to the surgeons for check up tomorrow - here's hoping for elastic loosening!!

Day 6

I always feel better in the morning, but am much brighter today. To the point of I'm going to post some new pics. The bruising is a bit more yellow and has descended onto my throat a little but it's not so bad. I think the swelling is going down a little. I don't feel quite as sick today, but will see if I manage to keep some more down. Fingers crossed!

Have included the last one, with the flash, as I think the bruising is a bit more visible - but not too bad at all!

Day 5

I feel absolutely rotten.

Vomited up some carrot juice yesterday, and even though it was terrifying, it wasn't difficult. However, I haven't felt right since and am struggling to take in anything, including meds. If it wasn't for the antibiotics I'm on, I doubt I would even take those. Am trying to keep hydrated, as that's most important, but I feel weak and sleepy the whole time, with a weird feeling in my stomach. I have quite a weak tummy anyway, and so it wasn't completely unexpected, but I really don't want to lose too much weight and mum is a little worried I'm not taking anything down which doesn't help.

I'm thinking, once the antibiotics have finished this should help a bit, and my visit with the surgeon on Wednesday. It's good to focus on that, and I think if I can make it through to then things will get better.

Am also finding it hard to keep my mouth clean. I can't really open my lips too far and am worried about disrupting stitches etc, so I haven't been brushing, but have been using lots of antiseptic mouth rinse - the last thing I want right now is an infection.

So am feeling massively sorry for myself, which my family are eating a nice big Easter dinner next door. But I still have no regrets at all.

Oh, and yawning is very interesting indeed! Am terrified that I will re-break my jaw or something! Just as well I had a lot of practice at yawning with my mouth closed in college isn't it...!

The Power of Endorphins

So it finally happened. I should've seen it coming, really.

In med school, you learn about the body's endogenous (natural) painkillers. These are called endorphins, the same things that are realeased during exercise (though I must admit this never worked for me!) They work on opiate receptors, the same as morphine and heroin, which is why you get the high/pain relieving properties of those substances. There have been stories in medical literature, where for example farmers have accidents where their arms get chopped off, but calm as you like they pick up the severed limb and walk for miles to the hospital in absolutely no pain whatsoever. This has been attributed to the said endorphins released as a defence mechanism. Then they wear off...

I think this is what happened to me. The docs kept warning me that I was high and would crash down, but in my euphoria I completely forgot about this fact. It's powerful stuff. I got home yesterday and started feeling very sorry for myself, and had a little cry before bed - not too big, as I can't blow my nose! But my mum has been great support and I don't know what I would've done without her for the last few hours.

I am so very happy already with the results, and don't regret it for ONE second, but now that my muscles are all spasming and I'm finding it hard to talk/open my mouth/drink/take disgusting meds it's natural to feel sorry for oneself. I know it can only get better though, and even though it tires me out, am still trying to be in touch with friends etc as I know ultimately it cheers me up. Once I got to sleep last night, I slept well and straight through until I woke with tightness in my face about 8.30 am - no way I can forget what time to take my meds! I also had a bath and washed my hair for the first time this morning, which again although exhausting is definitely a boost. Trying to keep calories up is the biggest chore at the moment, as I'm not too hungry and still feel a bit weak so I know I actually need to try and get them in.

I'll try and take some pics from today and post them later though there's not a huge change. The bruising is perhaps a little darker but it's not spread so much.

Day 3 - Hometime

I can't get over how small my face is and how young I look, as well as the cute little upturned nose I've got now! Wondered how that would come out after the op! :)

Day 2

Day 1

Straight out of op:

Back from the hospital

Hey everyone, thanks so much for your kind messages! I have been itching to get home and write up the last couple of days for you all!

I have been quite possibly the luckiest girl in the world. I am going to write about every gory detail so those who don't want to read please stop now... Otherwise will be a bit of a long one! But seeing as this was my first time in hospital/surgery full stop I want to write about it for those who might not know what to expect either!

I went into hospital the night before, and lucked out with a room on my own with an en-suite and the nicest bunch of nurses ever. Was surprisingly calm but didn't sleep too well. The nurse wouldn't give me my valium because the dose was a bit high and to be honest by the time she would've got hold of the on-call doc it would've been too late, so I thought I'd try and sleep by myself but was far too excited. Found out I was first on the list which was a huge relief because I think

I was woken up early the next morning and took a shower. Did absolutely fine up until about 7.30 and then started freaking out, so just played my ipod and took deep breaths until I was called down. Got onto a trolley in theatre and thankfully had a nice chap next to me equally nervous about his op for his broken leg after a hit-and-run accident. Had several checks and before I knew it was being wheeled into theatre.

I was dreading having a cannula put in more than the surgery itself (mainly due to my own inept-ness at putting them in!) but the anaesthetist was lovely. She put a baby one in and injected some sedative which made me feel amazingly high, and then injected the anaesthetic. I don't even remember falling asleep!

I was having a lovely, vivid dream, that I can't remember now, and all of a sudden someone was trying to wake me up. I was trying to talk straight away and completely disorientated. I felt a bit sick but couldn't throw up so the recovery nurses gave me some anti-sickness meds and some morphine. I was freaking out a little, not consciously, but more as a response to the anaesthetic - and started having hot flushes. I had blood coming out my mouth but couldn't quite grasp where or how as I couldn't feel it initially, but it wasn't too bad. They suctioned me lots and I know now it was probably because my wisdoms had been taken out at the same time also. The registrar came over and told me it went really well and that they'd come see me later, but I was completely out of it - was even trying to answer questions that the recovery nurse was asking the other newly qualified nurse!

So that was about 12.30 or so, after going into theatre about 9 - couldn't believe how quick I was out and how great I felt. I got wheeled up to the ward where my family were on their way. I had one more round of suction to get the blood out and then some mouthwash which helped stop the bleeding and anaesthetised my mouth somewhat. I then had a nurse by my side for the whole time that day and that night, who were absolutely amazing. I didn't pass water til later that evening, but tried to use the commode as soon as I could, and managed to transfer OK. I have been taking sips of water out of a cup since I first came out of theatre, as have got complete feeling in all my lips. Have developed a couple of 'numb' spots either side of my nose, but it's more of a weird sensation than numb - I know everyone says that but there is no other way to describe it!

The only things that have bothered me a little are:

1. Not being able to blow my nose, as have been quite clotted up due to intermittent nosebleeds which aren't too bad and stop quite quickly

2. The back of my throat feels like it's coated with mucous and clots and I can't clear it - though this is getting better now I'm having thicker fluids.

3. My lips are a little cracked now - have been using a ton of vaseline but even had a coldsore come up the morning of surgery - typical!

4. Meds and supplement drinks taste pretty bad - and I'm quite tightly banded shut. Think that was to stop me talking so much!

5. Falling asleep is a little tricky because I'm a little anxious about it, but once I'm tired I just doze off so it's not too bad.

6. My 'Angelina Jolie' pout won't be here to stay!!!

When the docs came round later and the following morning, they told me that my bone was very thin and actually my mandible snapped in 2 places on the right so he needed to put an extra couple of plates in - so I'm amazed I have only been on minimal pain relief since being back on the ward! It was a relief to finally have some soup yesterday and can't stop drinking it now! The doc also told me that they'd obviously seen the result before I was all swollen and that I'd be VERY happy with the result - I already am despite the swelling making me look a bit like something out of Bo Selecta!!

The Call

OH MY GOD.


I can't believe this is finally happening.

I just had a call to say there is a bed for me at the hospital, I need to be there at 6pm to get admitted.

So now running around like a headless chicken because I hadn't fully packed to make sure I don't forget anything! Didn't want to have everything *too* ready, in case it didn't go ahead... :)

So my mum is on her way over and we are going to lug all my stuff up to the hospital. I have had to try and pack a few things I might need while staying at theirs for the couple of weeks after so it's all a bit mental.

And we had a visit from the police last night at 4am looking for our dodgy landlord. I don't recommend this for the night before surgical admission, just for the record....

I will try and update as soon as I'm home, I get the feeling this may well be after the Easter weekend unless I make a miraculous recovery.

Love to you all and thanks so much for all the support, you have no idea how much it has meant over these last 2 years... And for those of you waiting, it *WILL* be your turn one day!!!

Close Ups

Look away, those with a nervous disposition!!!


Nice view of the surgical hooks there... and can see that the midlines don't meet.

Pre-op Photos

I'm hoping I'm not jinxing myself by labelling them as such, but here are my pre-op photos, as of today. In all of them I have my jaws tight shut, so that gap is there all the time. As you can see, the underbite is massive, have a weak top jaw and lip and the midlines are skewed to one side on the lower jaw. The chin is quite large, but on moving it back it might not be that prominent, apparently my surgeon likes to wait and see if any more work is required once healed..

And the one of my looking moody is just with my mouth closed - it's no surprise I'm known for smiling all the time is it!

I would never have allowed profile pictures before all this, but now knowing that it's all getting fixed makes things a lot easier!!

Archwired.com...

.... Has gone down! Right before my surgery! Eek!!!

Perfect fit!!

I just can't WAIT for it to be next week now...

Went to see the registrar (who is also so very nice!) as my surgeon couldn't make the appointment, and the wafers fit perfectly!! And they showed me the final cast and the configuration of my teeth. I am so excited now. Also have my first couple of orthodontic appointments booked, first one is about 10 days after surgery.

Could it finally be that everything is finally going to run smoothly for a change!? I do hope so! Thinking positive!

Getting help

This morning I went along to the school counsellor. I had a bit of a meltdown a couple of weeks ago, and my poor friend that got the brunt of my tears sorted out a referral form after her saying that she can't believe I'm going through such a psychological upheaval without talking to anybody. Not that everyone should go and see a counsellor, but it is definitely such a big deal for me personally that she was totally right.

It was a bit of an ordeal and I don't think we even began to touch on a lot of the issues but I think it will be a very valuable process in the long run. She's asked me to come in the morning before surgery, next Tuesday, to have another session so I think it will be good as my nerves inevitably will have started kicking in by then! This last week has absolutely flown by so I can't even imagine how quick the next one will go!!!

Hooks!

So this morning was my work-up - had countless impressions of my bite and full teeth taken, final measurements and x-rays, as well as the installation of the dreaded surgical hooks. I didn't realise I would have one in between my 2 front top and bottom incisors! Yeesh, they are SO annoying. Haven't started hurting yet, but have my trusty wax to hand for when they do.

Can't believe it is the last time I saw my ortho now until after the surgery! I am having my pre-operative assessment tomorrow and then the appointment palaver has been sorted for next Friday... And that's it! Two weeks away! I am still hoping they won't cancel due to bed shortages, although I am convinced this is going to be the case! Good vibes from everyone on the 7th/8th please!!! God knows what I'll do if it doesn't go ahead as scheduled!

It really feels like it's all finally happening, and I can't believe it. Have started to be excited again and not just apprehensive as I have been the last few weeks. Have been showing mum plenty of post-op photos so she knows what to expect.

Have also finally moved house, it was such a relief on Saturday night to have everything unpacked and one element of stress disappear completely. Now for the end of term assignment... So enough procrastination already, and will crack on! Then I can concentrate solely on pre-op nerves!

Greedy lazy buggers

I am SO looking forward to the day I have nothing to moan about.

I don't understand, why it has been the case for the last few months, that whenever anything is to happen, it can't just go ahead without any hiccups or hitches.

We went up to the new flat today to collect the keys etc and it was a tip. Hasn't really been cleaned since the last tenants, there are even drinks in the fridge still etc, and there are a few safety issues, namely some broken plug sockets, 2 windows that don't close (although not desperate as they are 3rd floor up), a new front door has been fitted but hasn't been painted or varnished so looks a good target for breaking in, and will rot in no time once it rains some, and a pile of furniture heaped up on a flimsy bit of board above the stairs. We can't move in while it's in this state, and the landlord claims he came yesterday and cleaned it himself! So we now have to meet with him tomorrow (instead of moving in) and try and reach some agreement as to what needs doing to make it safe, even though the rent is commencing from tomorrow. And the estate agency are no help at all (obviously taking the side of the landlord whenever it comes down to this).

It never ceases to amaze me how alone tenants are in the Big Bad World of renting. And although I am in no way naive, it still distresses me how inhumane people can be when it comes to money, and ripping other folk off. It makes me ashamed to be human sometimes.

Yet another thing to add to the list of pre-exam stresses, although I was hoping this would have been at least one that would've been resolved by Monday. For a half-full-glass-girl, I'm starting to find it mighty hard to stay optimistic; is it any wonder that I am convinced it will be just my luck for my surgery date to get cancelled!!??

Update

So thank god my Ortho finally found out what had happened and is on the case. Apparently my surgeon can't make the wafer-fitting day but his registrar is going to come and do it in the morning, of the same day - I just don't know when.

It will be good to meet the reg though, seeing as he potentially may be assisting on the surgery... Do hope he doesn't put me off!

Having good days and bad days at the moment - seem quite weather-dependent, but think things will be a little easier once I've moved house and the end of term happens (i.e., I've handed my assignment in). Then I can just dedicate all my anxiety at the surgery. After reading other blogs am kinda sad I won't have an other half there with me, but think that's just because I am generally feeling sorry for myself today. I have tons of amazing friends who will all be on hand to mock my chipmunk face and cheer me up, so it could be a lot worse.

Morons

I received a letter in the post on Thursday that beggars belief. Before I divulge its contents let me give you a quick idea of what appointments I have left pre-surgery:

March 23rd - Pre op 'work-up'; this is where they take the final measurements and casts so they can make the wafer - as mentioned before this is the plastic mould of my corrected bite they will use during the surgery to guide my jaws into the correct position

Tues 31st - Pre op check up, bloods etc to make sure I'm fit for surgery

April 3rd - The fitting of the wafer, to make sure it will fit over my teeth - though in fairness my ortho did say not everyone does this (although I can imagine it will give me piece of mind)

April 8th - Surgery

So this letter tells me that regrettably, my appointment on April 3rd has had to be moved. To May 1st. Almost a month AFTER my surgery.

I tried to suppress the wave of panic building up (I'm so much more anxious about everything these days - especially as I'm convinced my date is going to get cancelled and I have no idea how I am going to cope if that happens) and gave the number a call on Friday morning.

Of course, the woman that books appointments for the whole (large) department had no idea why it changed. So she put me through to the consultant's office. I spoke to a guy (I assume the secretary) who took down my hospital number and contact phone and told me he'd get back to me. I hadn't heard anything by the afternoon so called back. He hadn't even looked into it yet, and I told him that actually I think my ortho should be in this afternoon - he told me that was good to know and he would get her to call me. Didn't hear from anybody (and I know she would have called me if she'd got the message, so figured the weakest link there).

I'm just so annoyed as now have had to sit stewing about it over the weekend which is what I didn't want to happen. And ortho is not back in at the hospital until next Friday. And I'm so busy on Monday I can't keep chasing it up.

Don't people realise how stressful going through surgery is, without making it worse? If it's a simple re-schedule it could've been dealt with there and then.

I know I'm just being overly-anxious but I'm struggling to keep calm as it is. Fingers crossed it will all get sorted by someone with a little more competence.

Nights

It's been a VERY long time since I worked a night shift.

And even then I used to get some sleep during the day.

Not have a full day of teaching during the day before and teaching the following morning.

I am pretty shattered, but am more peeved that it wasn't even worth it! Not one single neurosurgical emergency, dammit!

Though one of the wards (the same hospital I'm having my op) had a MaxFax patient on it, according to the board. I really wanted to sneak in and take a look to see what they look like in Real Life, as I don't think online pics *quite* cut it.

Probably just as well I didn't; don't want to freak myself out any more than I am already!

I'm off for a snooze!

Day off!

I love being snowed in - so although we couldn't fashion a brace, I still LOVE our effort, what do you think? :D

Snow

I'm snowed in!

I don't remember the last time we had this much snowfall in London. There are some pictures of me being very small and playing in the snow but I don't really remember it.

The ensuing chaos can only happen in England.

There is not a single bus running, the trains and tube are all but cancelled, and so I can't get into hospital today. Was dreading having to get up but I really needed to leave the house, so it's a bit of a shame really.

The BBC news is hilarious; the reporters look as though they are having a field day taking joy in reporting on the misery and chaos today; us Brits love to have a good moan (as I'm sure you can tell already!), and I have laughed for the first time properly in a couple of days at videos of people trying to push broken-down cars and sliding all over the place.

So I'm going to snuggle back into bed and may even build a snowman later. May try and find something with which to fashion some braces out for it...!

About... Turn!

It's amazing how quickly things can change.

The Boy slept with someone else Thursday night so I finished with him.

The old V without imminent surgery would've sat and agonised over why it happened, and The Profile would've been blamed at some point.

I'm so glad that I can just shrug off the whole thing now. To be honest it was quite hard to open up fully to him about the whole thing and it really is a journey I've made thus far on my own, and think it's better in the long run if I finish it alone too.

Sounds depressing: but really, I feel OK about the whole thing.

Getting nearer...

I had my latest adjustment last week.

As Ortho and I were looking at our diaries for next appointment and making sure I had the right pre-op assessment days noted down, she said 'OK so next appointment is in February... then March.. But your work-up is March 23rd so we'll probably need to fit another one in between...'

And then it dawned on me just how quickly the time is flying by and how near it is until surgery (I know, I know, it's not until April, but appointment-wise there are only 3 or 4 left!) and I have shifted into being a little scared rather than just fed up as I have been for the last 18 months. In a good way, but it's still terrifying all the same. And after having waited for so long I still can't quite believe it's actually happening.

Then joy of joys she put back my old hardcore-heavy-duty wire (that was removed for the bracket readjustment when we went back to piddly little thin wire) and a power chain as the gaps had started to open up. It had been a LONG time since I had adjustment pain, I still can't quite bite down. Porridge was my friend that weekend (don't even LIKE the stuff!) and had to muddle through dinner meeting The Boy's friends (noodles again were soft enough, just took me ages). Spent most of the weekend panicking at the poor thing that if it is this bad now, what the hell is it going to be like when I have the surgery...

But all in all am feeling very positive and am so busy at school that I haven't been spending as much time thinking about it as I did over Christmas!