Friday, 8 May 2009

Crashdown

Just a short post, because I don't want my recovery to seem one-sided.

I don't know whether it's tiredness, the trauma of finally having done my exam yesterday and freaking out about my ability as a potential doctor, or the dredging up of all my deep insecurities with my counsellor, but today I felt absolutely rotten.

It wasn't entirely unexpected, and is the reason I started going to see someone pre-surgery to talk through the issues, but I felt massively 'disappointed' today. Now the excitement of new-face and seeing people's reactions has worn off, it's back to normality. And things feel just the same as they did before. I think maybe it's because I haven't had a chance to exercise my new confidence just yet, but today I just felt hideously sad. I feel like my face is still swollen and looks ridiculous (I know it isn't). Don't get me wrong it is still the BEST thing I have done, but I think it's important to be aware of what your expectations are and how things will or won't change post-surgery. I'm glad I thought through this before I went under the knife, that's for sure!

Just goes to show, there's still a little way to go; once the swelling has gone and the braces are off it will be great!

7 comments:

Rita said...

You are so great V. You are an inspiration to us all. You are going to be a fabulous doctor. Don't worry about the insecurities, we all have them. It is normal to feel the feelings you are having and you will have better days. I have been told the anesthesia will make us feel this way for up to a year, so don't fret. We will get through all of this.... and remember, going through what you have been through will make you a better "doctor" because you will understand what your patients are going through. Bless ya!!!!!!! : )

Anya said...

I think the sadness that you are feeling is quite normal. You have already been through a lot with braces and jaw-surgery.

Surgery always effect the body and soul. Your surgery has altered your appearance in a dramatic way and you have had to get used to it all, combined with your exams and concerns of becoming a doctor. It is an identity crisis just waiting to happen.

As time goes by and you get more used to the situation, things will work out and the sadness and your doubts will disappear.

Cheer up, V. You will be a good doctor, because you care about it and want to do your best.

Discantus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Discantus said...

Hiya V, the results are looking so good! Sorry to hear you're going through the post-op slump, though I guess it's inevitable given the huge emotional and physical shock of jaw surgery. It's still early days so just focus on baby steps, and remember that the hardest part is over, start planning your big de-bracing day celebration :)

Aimee said...

Rita said it all. I agree with her 100%. You are an awesome, beautiful person inside and out. We are all here rooting for you and will be here for you when you are feeling down, just like you have been here for us.
xoxo

Lisa said...

Hi V, I've just been reading your blog and it feels like we've been living some kind of parallel life for the past 2 years! have you been having your treatment at guys/kings? and WOW!!!! you look absolutely amazing!!! what a dramatic difference! sorry you are on a bit of a downer today, but just look at what you have been through and how incredible you look now! it will all be worth it in a few more weeks or so when they take those braces off!! ...ooh i can hardly wait for that day! i must be about a month behind you! you hardly look like you had much swelling at all in your photo's! so wish i had discovered your blog and everyone else's sooner - it would have made the last 2 years a whole let easier thats for sure! take care hun and KEEP SMILING :-)

chinderella said...

V! First of all, I'm so impressed you went through an exam so early post surgery. I hope you've recovered from the tiredness and the sadness.I was quite useless a month after mine! I did have some off days post surgery too.
xx